The Secret Diaries of the Other Cullens
by Gradajez
Summary: What Emmett, Rosalie, Jasper, and Alice are all saying and doing when not listening to Edward and Bella whine. Comedy and willing to take any ideas. mostly Emmett though cause he's just an infinite pile of humor.
1. Chapter 1

April 17th

Dear Journal person.....

Had fun today. Carlisle says it would be good for us to write things down now that I'm part of this family. That Rosalie girl keeps looking at me funny. She's pretty. Anyway I'm hungry gonna go get me some mountain lion.

Peace,

Emmett

April 23rd

Dear Diary,

Emmett is cute, but not as good looking as me. He's not too bright either which is perfect for me. And since Mr. Sparkle McMindreader is obviously homosexual, I mean who wouldn't want this? Then he's the only choice left open to me.

Rosalie

April 29th

Dear Jerald (name I came up with for you)

I KILLED A BEAR!!!!!!!!! that is all.

Emmett

May 12th

Dear Diary,

Emmett refuses to eat anything but bears. Grizzly, Polar, Panda! He goes for them all. I saw him eat a panda bear with some soy sauce the other day? Aren't they endangered? Are they really even bears? They seem more like Racoons or platypus or something.

Rosalie

May 20th

Dear Jarvis (didnt like the last name)

I KILLED ANOTHER BEAR!!!!!!!! Kept the hands this time going to try to make gloves out of them so I can kill things with my BEAR HANDS!!!!!!

Emmett

June 6th

Bear hands are successful. For two reasons. They look cool while I kill bears, and Rosalie disapproves. Today is a good day.

Emmett


	2. Chapter 2

August 12th

Dear Jackson (new name),

We have two new comers. Alice and Jasper. Jasper seems cool, atleast less depressing then Edward. Alice on the other hand is well weird....she asked if I had gotten that Jaguar in the mountains yet. I said no the sneaky devil keeps slipping away. She said maybe next week.

Emmett

August 14th

Dear Diary,

I sat down with the new girl today. I'm still the prettiest, but there is something about her that is odd still. She acts like there is something I don't know that she know and she wont tell me. I'd say I'm losing beauty sleep over this, but I don't need it...or regular sleep for that matter. She asked me about how Emmett and I are doing. Does she know about Simon? I mean sure I shouldn't be cheating on Emmett like this, but if he's stupid enough to think I'm napping then he deserves it.

Rosalie

August 15th

Dear Journal,

We've moved in quite nicely into the Cullen home. While adjusting to their diet is difficult, I can manage. Who ever heard of a vegetarian vampire anyway? What are we? Hippies?

Jasper

August 16th

Dear Diary,

Rosalie is in for a surprise tomorrow.

Alice

August 17th

Dear Diary,

I hate Jasper. We have to move again because of him and away from Simon. Oh Simon Belmont I'll miss you, but I never could figure out what your whip was for and why it burned me when I touched it. And why you had all that holy water and crosses and blessed bullets and axes.

Rosalie

August 17th

Dear Journal,

Its not my fault! That girl fell onto me and my teeth just sank in. Honestly it was a complete accident. Alice believes me...kinda. Edward says I'm telling the truth. Why wont the others believe me. Besides the girl likes being a vampire now that the horrible night of pain is over.

August 17th

Dear Jake,

Hehehehehehehe, Jasper bit a girl. It was awesome. And I got that Jaguar today. Heh good day. Carlisle says we are moving to a place called Forks next. Sad day, but he said there are more bears there. Hehehehehehe good cause Lucy and Philip are getting lonely (I name my bear gloves)

Emmett


	3. Chapter 3

October 23rd

Dear Journal,

We have settled into Forks and its going pretty good. There is a new girl here, and I think she might have a thing for Edward, poor girl she doesnt know that he's really gay...and a vampire. I think her name is Bulma or Ella, something. She looks tasty. I wouldn't mind having her with a side of white wine.

Jasper

October 25th

Dear Gerald,

Edward left and I already feel more manly. I killed thirty two bears today. Rosalie promised a night of action. I beat Jasper in arm wrestling and Alice said something cool is going to happen soon. Sweetness.

Emmett

October 29th

Dear Journal,

I think I'm in love with Rosalie. She likes herself so much that I'm starting to feel the emotion too. I keep thinking how much her hair smells like honeydew melon shampoo. I HATE THE SMELL OF HONEYDEW! But Rosalie doesn't. I hate being an empath.

Jasper

October 30th

Dear Diary,

Edward is coming back tomorrow.

Alice

October 31st

Dear Diary,

Edward is back, but what really is weird is that Jasper keeps looking at me.

Rosalie

November 9th

Dear Jimmy,

Edward is bringing Bella to our ball game. Get to show off how good I am at hitting things with sticks. Too bad its balls not bears.

Emmett

November 10th

Dear Diary,

Things went south at the ball game. Emmett struck out, I got dirt in my hair, I broke a nail, I sneezed. Some girl who thinks she's prettier than me showed up. Oh and Bella is being hunted by three crazy vampires.

Rosalie

November 11th

Dear Joe,

Heading down to Arizona to fight crazy vampires. Gonna bash some heads. Time to break out the bear hands.

Emmett


End file.
